Warning: Extreme Sarcasm Alert

As the primary carer, you must ensure that the well-being of your child’s academic, emotional, cultural, creative, psychological, mental, spiritual, physical, nutritional and social requirements are prioritised and supported with non-toxic, freedom of expression. In raising your child, please consider his/her rights: Through mindfulness and assimilated behavioural narrative, it is your responsibility not to overstimulate, underestimate, improperly medicate, helicopter or neglect any of her/his needs. You must therefore obtain consent before providing a screen-controlled, body positive, safe, fair, socially-conscious, secular, enriched, hydrated, family-friendly, egalitarian but also authoritative, nurturing but fostering of independence, gentle but not overly permissive, inoffensive, hypoallergenic, organic, optimised, appropriate, assisted, inclusive, natural, sugar-reduced, free-range, ecologically sound, gender-neutral, anger-managed, noise-dampened, playful, climate-controlled, biodiverse, multicultural, curated, plastic-free, pesticide-free, nut-free, fat-free, additive-free, anxiety-managed, tolerant, zero-tolerant, accessible, recyclable, CRB-checked (with air bags), non-flammable, 50 SPF, EU-guided, vegan-optioned, sustainable, anti-bacterial, protective-helmeted, risk-assessed, ethically-sourced, safety-catched, supportive, native, conveniently located close to public transport, vegetable-coloured home. GoMunkee understands the difficulties relating to parenting, and we’re here to help make organising the kids a little bit easier.  We haven’t even started on bad parentingparental FOMO… or teenage boys. Header image Danielle Guenther Photography.