Politically-correct parenting guidelines, post-lockdown

Warning: extreme sarcasm alert

As the primary carer, you must ensure that the well-being of your child’s academic, emotional, cultural, creative, psychological, mental, spiritual, physical, nutritional and social requirements are prioritised and supported with non-toxic, freedom of expression and access to Wi-Fi at all times.  

In raising your child, please consider his/her rights: Through mindfulness and assimilated behavioural narrative, it is your responsibility not to overstimulate, underestimate, improperly medicate, helicopter or neglect any of her/his needs.

You must therefore obtain consent before curating a living arrangement which is screen-controlled, body positive, safe, fair, socially-conscious, secular, enriched, hydrated, family-friendly, egalitarian but also authoritative, nurturing but fostering of independence, gentle but not overly permissive, inoffensive, hypoallergenic, organic, optimised, appropriate, assisted, inclusive, natural, sugar-reduced, hand-sanitised, hand-washed for 20 seconds, locked down, free-range, ecologically sound, gender-neutral, anger-managed, noise-dampened, playful, climate-controlled,  biodiverse, multicultural, plastic-free, paraben-free, pesticide-free, nut-free, fat-free, additive-free, anxiety-managed, privacy-respected, tolerant, zero-tolerant, accessible, recyclable, DBS-checked (with air bags), non-flammable, 50 SPF, GDPR-compliant, non-EU-guided, vegan-optioned, high vis vest-wearing, sustainable, anti-bacterial, protective-helmeted, risk-assessed, ethically-sourced, safety-catched, supportive, native, conveniently located close to public transport and coloured using natural vegetable extracts.  And remember to keep a distance of 2m when engaging with your child

Or you could just login to GoMunkee, discover some awesome things to do and go out with your children anyway.  GoMunkee understands the difficulties relating to parenting, and we’re here to help make organising the kids a little bit easier.  We haven’t even started on bad parentingparental FOMO… or teenage boys.

Header image Danielle Guenther Photography.

GoMunkee is full of good ideas for seeing and doing more things with children. Please register to stay up-to-date on everything that’s going on. Click and explore. Oh, and please like us on Facebook. Thank you very much.

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